Orthodontist Visit Isn't a Parenting Duty

At first he scheduled the orthodontist appointment.  Then, as typical, he complained that it was interfering with his "bonding time".  Apparently, things like dentist appointments don't fall under the category of parenting duties.  Only fun stuff and being a "Disneyland Dad" are beneficial.  Right...

So after whining and threatening to cancel the appointment, we negotiated to wake the girls up before they would usually even get up for school so he could pick them up early, take them to the freezing cold beach, and drop them off at the orthodontist at their 12:00 noon appointment time.  

The beach is at least one hour from the orthodontist.  At 11:30 am, they were still at the beach.  He shows up late to the appointment and the girls are wet, shaking and visibly upset.  Joc reported: "Dad was cursing and saying bad words in the car..."  Well of course he was... that's cause he has road rage.  

Ugh... and there's nothing I can do about it.

Stalking My Neighbors

Last week, his attorney sent another letter to my attorney complaining about the usual:  Orthodontist, my not informing him of every little thing, and trading weekends.  Typical drama.  I decided I'm tired of paying for our attorneys to fight back and forth.  Since we have that family court website that we signed up for AT HIS INSISTENCE, I figure that is the best way to be proactive with this.  My response to his attorney's letter was as a message on the website, to him, stating that I will not negotiate through our attorneys, but will instead use the website as it is intended, and attempt to have normal communication that way.  If he has concerns regarding the ortho, kids activities, or trades, he needs to address it on the website.  So really, I didn't answer any of his accusations or questions that was written on his attorney's letter.  His response was to not answer.

Instead, on Saturday morning, he drives recklessly up and down my street an hour before he is supposed to be there.  He texts me saying to send the kids out.  I texted back stating that first, the kids weren't ready, and second, his visitation didn't begin until 9am.  He started making up lines about that I know they have an appointment for the orthodontist and he needs to pick them up early and I know it takes over two hours to get there and he will be late if I don't comply...  My reply was, "I wish you would have communicated with me about this last night... I could have had them ready...".  He couldn't argue that and stopped texting.  

Instead he decided to stalk my neighbors by stopping in front of each house for 5 minutes, stare at their house, trying to look into the windows, stare at my house, cursing and yelling inside his car, then driving to another neighbor's home.  Rinse and Repeat.  Soooo Weird!  I actually didn't witness this odd behavior, but I had several neighbors come to my front door that morning, ring the doorbell, and inform me of what was going on.  Some stayed outside in their yards, pretending to be busy in case he got crazy.  When we walked outside finally, he wasn't anywhere to be seen.  I had to call him and he wouldn't even answer his phone.  He made his poor 19 year old daughter, who was in the car with him, answer it.  OMG so strange.  I feel so bad for her sometimes.

We're moving in about a month or two.  I am going to miss living on my street.  I love how all of the neighbors know our story and keep and eye out for us.  

1st Visit with the New Rules

Saturday was the first visit without mandatory professional supervision.  I don't have my official paperwork yet as it takes a few weeks to get it from the court, but I wrote down the basics as the judge rattled them off.  He doesn't have to have a professional supervisor, but he is required to have an adult with him.  This can, of course, be any adult of his choosing, including Big Sis, even though she would never stand up to him for her sisters.  Oh well.

It was Sis's birthday and was a beach party.  I guess things went okay.  A&J were definitely ready for me to pick them up when I got there, but they didn't have anything negative to say.  Lots of family around and not too much contact with him, I'm sure.  Their only comment was that he didn't get them a good gift for sis, and instead gave her a $20 bill from him and them.  Almost like, "Oh!  Its your birthday??? Well, what do I have in my wallet... A twenty... hmmm, that will work."  Lame.  Good thing we mailed her a gift.

A few behavior issues at school and home the Thursday and Friday before the visit.  But that's not unusual for right before visitation.  I think the therapy with Dr. C will make things easier for the girls.  At least they get to see him every week.

We also have required once a week phone calls.  No required length of time.  I was sitting in the living room when the call came in last night.  A&J took the phone back to their bedroom and reappeared literally 2 minutes later.  I guess they asked about their new phones he is buying them - Galaxy SIII - and when they are supposed to arrive at our house via mail.  Then when he tried to start talking to them, they said "We don't want to talk anymore" and hung up.  Nice.

Whats Been Going On For the Last Year?

Its been close to a year since the last posting.  A lot of changes have taken place.  So here's a short rundown:

We moved to San Diego.  We got supervised visitation with the Grandpa.  Kids refused to get in the car and we ended up having "curb-side 20 minute visits".  That failed.

Back to court.  We got therapy for the girls approved by the judge.  Had some issues finding someone who was willing to take our case since we have rules like "non-confidential" and "must report to the court".  We got supervised visitation with a professional $250 per hour monitor.  Ouch.  That turned out to be not such a good idea since she was more concerned about reunification of the dad and the kids then how the kids are coping. Kids usually left those visits in tears and turmoil.  Finally found a child advocate local therapist for the girls.  He specializes in children dealing with domestic violence issues.  The girls love him.  Bonus.

Recently we are back in court again and the professional visitation specialist wrote 2 letters stating that Dad is not a risk, kids are making false statements regarding alleged abuse.  Mother is uncooperative and interfering with bonding between Dad and kids.  Needless to say, I got reamed in court.  Part of the reason for restarting this blog is I need to document everything for the next court hearing in July.

Details to follow soon now that we're caught up...